My Rude Awakening

I used to be a soft spoken, miss-goody-two-shoes, polite, and well mannered person when I was young, still am sometimes.

People loved me, I think mostly because I let them walk all over me. ‘Others before me’ motto always piloted my thoughts and actions, no matter what it cost me.

Until my heart and soul had had enough of being mistreated time and again.

Hurt, angry, confused, I started to put up a mean, sarcastic, blunt, rude front.

It felt good. ‘I’ felt good.

No one had the power anymore to stamp all over me and crush me, unless I allowed them to.

This soon became part of my brand. A cute but mean girl.

My defence unit – my mean tongue, is ready to fire a snarky comment whenever I sense an attack coming my way.

My meaneness quadruples when I’m stressed and overwhelmed. I guess it burned several egos and hearts, without me even realising it. I have no clue how many innocent souls were harmed in the process.

I got a rude wake up call (pun intended) few days ago, when a friend of mine let me know that I have been unnecessarily rude to people.

Well, some of them had asked for it but then I thought some more and realized that a few of the others were not at fault.

And then, I rebuffed the very same friend a day later over a small matter; I could have chosen to respond in a calmer way. Mulling it over the night, I knew that my defence mechanism had gone out of hand.

It was ruling me.

I always prided myself on not dumping my anxieties on others but here I was now, a hypocritical jerk.

No can do.

I’ve got to learn to channel my emotions and feelings in a right way.

I feel horribly bad, and disappointed with myself for unleashing my vicious side on those who didn’t deserve it. I know it won’t repair or undo the hurt that I’ve already caused, but I am deeply sorry for my words and tone.

The work on myself starts NOW.


5MinutesBreak, BlogChatter, MyFriendAlexa

Why I Believe in the Goodness of People

why i believe in the goodness of people, my friend alexa, blogchatter

A close friend once told me “You always see the best in me.” That phrase struck me as unusual at that time; I was still in school and I could not understand what the big deal was about my seeing the best in her. It just came naturally to me. I believe in the goodness of people.

Over the years, I’ve been aware of how even though I do ‘see’ the faults of people, I choose to focus on their good traits. A frenemy at college was the one who brought forward this awareness in me.

It all happened when I had a bitter argument with a friend of mine and was walking thoroughly upset home with this frenemy. Now, this frenemy had a brilliant, bright, and intelligent mind but had annoying habits like butting in where not needed, usurping the conversation, dominating the scene, and other such things. Inspite of that I tried to seek some goodness in her but was failing miserably.

Sharp as she was, she saw that I was upset and asked if I wanted to head back to college to have a cup of tea. Near to tears, I just nodded and we took an about turn.

Alas, standing at the college gate was the friend I had just argued with. Our other friends too were present there. I averted my face as they chit-chatted with my frenemy. One of them asked “Didn’t you two just head home? Why are you back?” Before I could even think of what to answer, my frenemy cut in at lightning speed, “Oh, our hostel friend asked me to wait here for her as she wanted to come along, so we came back.”

I cannot express the rush of gratitude I felt toward her at that moment. In that one moment all her annoying qualities melted away and her loyalty shone brightly through. That was the moment I realized that I was aware that I had trusted this girl when she asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. She hadn’t even asked if I was upset because she knew it. She also saved me from embarrassment without me even vocalizing why I was upset (she didn’t know about the argument I had with my friend). She just knew that she had to step in for me, that I needed someone who just let me be without leaving me alone.

That was the moment when I was aware why I always look for the good in people no matter how twisted they may seem. It’s because goodness runs through each of us. I deeply believe that people can draw immense power from their innate goodness.

You may argue that a criminal, a murderer, a rapist, a terrorist are pure evil. Yes, there may be some like that but that’s another blog topic altogether. This much I can say for now, on them, is that they may not be the same person you think they are if you ask their mother, sister, brother, uncle, friends.

Call me a fool but I believe in the goodness of people, do you?

I am taking my Alexa rank to the next level with Blogchatter

Alexa Rank on 1st September, 2016: 24,776,570

Alexa Rank on 27th September, 2016: 798,613

Current India Rank: 32,611



Venice 🙂


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The Shadow in the Darkness

shadow - pc offclouds

PC: offclouds

There creeped
That familiar sensation again,
Slowing my heart
Numbing my brain
Choking my throat
Sucking my breath

As usual,
A paradox I remained.
Conscious yet unaware,
Distant yet feeling,
As my veins throbbed
And nerves splintered.

A moment and then
In an instant gone.

What madness, what torture
What unholy shenanigan!

It’s my soul’s stalker
The devil lurking in the shadows.
Waiting to pounce and
Consume me whole.

Any time, any time now
It’ll be back.
Stronger, swifter
Wounding my every pore.

Oh make it stop, make it stop!
Before it devours me
Or I… I bow forever.

According to WHO (World Health Organization), an estimated 350 million people suffer from Depression! This disorder can be so severe that it leads to a high incidence of suicides. An estimated 1 million deaths are the result of suicide every year. That’s an alarming number, and a scary one!

I feel very deeply about this illness. I think many of us don’t even know that we may have depression. We need to be more aware and understanding about this condition. We also need to have the courage to accept the reality of having depression, opening ourselves to others to help us through it, and to defeat it slowly but surely.