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You know, people inherit a lot of things from their parents and forefathers and such. Good looks, super brains, property, wealth, memoirs, personal items, or sometimes just nothing. Well, I am among those whose grandfather passed on something unique, or maybe not so unique after a quick search on Google. You see, I inherited from my grandfather, his leaky cauldron…er sorry, overdosed on Harry Potter, ehrm, inherited his leaky NOSE!
Yeah, of all the gazillion more useful things he could have given me, he had to give his runny forever sneezing nose! Gawd, the number of times I thought of snipping off the sniffy organ on my face. But it’s my inheritance, carrying the genes and deep history of my ancestors, so cheesy as it may sound, I decided to keep it on. Naah, not really, just couldn’t chop it off! 😛
I had a really good time with my grandfather when he was alive. He passed away when I was around 5 but even so, I’m sure I would have remembered if he had warned me about the nose he bequeathed to me. Even till now, in times of despair, when my nose competes with the Niagara Falls I cry out to my grandfather “Why didn’t you ever tell me about this dreadful piece of S… I mean, sensory organ? Was it a nosey poker in your life? How many times a day would you recommend digging, erm, cleaning it? Also, does it still leak now that you’re in heaven? Lastly, could you ask God to do me a favour and give me a nose that does not sneeze at the slightest provocation?”
Considering doing a séance to get the answers to these deep questions as my grandfather has never replied till now. Hmph!
The damn thing is hyper-sensitive all the year round… Every year! It’s the bane of my existence. It draws expressions of disgust, annoyance and downright impatience from people around me. There are times when I feel like retorting “Hello! Imagine just how aggravating it is for ME to bear this ridiculous inheritance, okay. Just cut me some slack!!” or “why don’t we exchange noses and then we’ll see how you like it!” Judgemental pricks!
The worst is when my nose automatically activates to “full on” mode when there’s an important event I have to attend the next day. There’s just no use of make-up or dressing well when I show up like Rudolph’s red-nosed cousin with a nasty Christmas hangover – all red-eyed, red-nosed, haggard faced, and with droopy shoulders after the onslaught of seven to ten sneezes in a row. Yes, my nose loves spewing mucus in a continuous sequence thus paving the way to my utter embarrassment. And not to forget, a thoroughly soaked handkerchief.
Loved ones and people close to me are now pretty used to it and make fun of poor me when I sneeze. You would think that at least they would understand and be more considerate. But hell no, I’m the clown with a natural red nose, so ha ha ha, that’s a fine joke, let’s laugh at her!
Worse is when they behave like the general public throwing me dirty looks and telling me to clear my nose even after I’ve cleaned every inch of it for the 111th time. I mean what do you want me to do, huh? Take a specialized vacuum cleaner to suck out all the snot?! Yeah right, just invent one, gift it to me, and I’ll use it, until then shove your comments up your nose or snot off. Whichever they fancy anyway.
And oh yes, I’ve tried all the natural home remedies available. Prefer them over prescribed medicines. But unfortunately, have not found any permanent solution. Warm water with lemon and honey does help but sometimes all it takes is a whiff of strong, tickly scent or the slightest dust that sets off my nose instantly!
My grandfather was a fine man, but just why he wanted his weepy nose to live on through me is a mystery I haven’t been able to solve and I wonder if I ever will.
Whoops, gotta go now, can feel the sniffles coming on…
P.S: There’s one good thing about my inherited nose though. It makes it easy for people to present me the perfect gift on my birthday – stacks of handkerchiefs! 😉